That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
