guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
