I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
