I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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