Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
