i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
