You smell like a Billy Joel song
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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