I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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