my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
