im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
