my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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