He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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