Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
