i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
