Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
