I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
