Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
