i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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