I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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