I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
