It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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