shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
