you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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