girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
