He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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