Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
