RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
