That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
