I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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