I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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