his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
