I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
