its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
