wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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