no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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