Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
