Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
