we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
