there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
