Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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