I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
