so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
