So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize