Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
