Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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