Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
