very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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