I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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