I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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