she was so not down for the gang bang
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
