The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
