Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
