tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
