i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
