Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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