i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
