Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
