did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
