I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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