im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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