Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
